Can You Really Have It All? Grad School, Family, and Leadership?

The question lingers—can one truly balance an advanced degree, a thriving family, and leadership? This thought crosses the mind of many graduate mothers often. At the end of long days filled with research and meetings, while tucking my children into bed, I take a pause and express gratitude. Friends and colleagues often express admiration, but in hindsight, I have received comments that discredit my capabilities, potential, hard work, and progress. All this is because I am a graduate school mother. Motherhood in grad school is a delicate balancing act built on resilience, discipline, and adaptability. Recently, I read a research paper describing the question of biases against mothers, with a factor of incompetence and commitment to working in research being a major contributor to these forms of discrimination. I am a major fan of the Nature career column, which highlights motherhood stories, parenting, graduate school, and careers. I have found that reading other women's and parents’ stories motivates and inspires me. On the other hand, I admit it; it is grace! Grace is receiving an unmerited favor. Let's not dig deep into my Christianity here for now. 😊

The author and her family having fun in Atlanta.

Pursuing my PhD was motivated by my desire to advance my career, contribute to science, transform knowledge into impact, and set an example for my children and the future generations of scientists in STEM through mentorship, which has been a big part of my career pursuits. I am also deeply grounded in family. Shifting my perspectives from what seemed challenging, like meeting the demands of grad school, financial constraints, and the fear of missing key family moments, was realized and transformed into—embracing good time management skills, intentionality for family time, and structured support systems made all the difference. Learning from others' experiences has also played a big role.

What would my takeaways be thus far?

1. Prioritization is Key

Managing shifting priorities has been essential. While my studies are crucial, some days call for focusing on family, STEM outreach, leadership duties, or an NGO commitment. These shifts have driven me to cultivate adaptability, problem-solving, and emotional intelligence. Learning to navigate them has kept me aligned with both my personal and professional aspirations.

2. Time Blocking for Efficiency

Allocating focused time for my research work has been a lifesaver. I dedicate structured hours to research while ensuring family time remains uninterrupted. Early mornings and flexible breaks have provided opportunities for extra work in the lab. This wouldn’t have been possible without a strong support system, which has been crucial to my graduate school.

3. Leveraging technology

Google Calendar is a very close friend every day. I talk to my calendar; it knows everything I am doing; it keeps me in check, alert, and timely. My schedule can be so unpredictable, from having a sick child to half days at school to emergency pickup, while still, I have a Raman spectroscopy reservation for 4 hours or a full-day PCR experiment. This is life; this is expected, and I don’t get shocked by emergencies or schedule changes. Still, the calendar allows me to move things around without complaining.

4. Setting Boundaries

One of the most valuable lessons is learning to say no.’ Early in grad school, I stretched myself too thin—doing my research, hosting a podcast, planning and hosting a STEM mentorship program, and taking on endless commitments. Several burnouts taught me to be selective with responsibilities, prioritize well-being, and protect my energy. Now, I commit only to what aligns with my time, capacity, and values.

5. Building a Support System

No one thrives in isolation. Whether you’re a parent or not, grad school demands a strong support network. Keeping my family close, maintaining academic friendships, and fostering a good relationship with my advisor (with clear boundaries) have made my journey more manageable and fulfilling.

6. Embracing the Realities and Moving Forward

Graduate school, leadership, and parenting come with moments of exhaustion and frustration—failed experiments, unexpected setbacks, and sleepless nights caring for a sick child. These experiences force a reassessment of priorities and often require sacrifices. Yet, they also teach patience, perseverance, and the importance of self-care.

We all have 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week. There is only so much one can do. My faith keeps me grounded, providing clarity and rest amidst the chaos. Having a day dedicated to reflection and renewal has strengthened my resilience, sharpened my focus, and allowed me to embrace lifelong learning.

If you’re navigating this kind of journey, know that persistence, ambition, and love can coexist. Keep going!

Written by Faith Zablon, 4th year PhD student in the Aravamudhan and NBI Labs

March 21, 2025